Because two-year-olds are very devious

We live with a two-year-old. Things don't always go her way, as you can imagine. We're beginning to learn that she will always find a way to get what she wants.

Sometimes her machinations are very complex. It can take an hour, or even days for her to figure out her next move. And then "whhhtttt", she does it. Fast as a viper. Right behind our slow, dumb-ass adult backs.

I used to think that two-year-olds were just overgrown, mono-syllabic babies. Toddlers, they call them. Which is a kind of disarming word, like they're not responsible for what they do; like they're little wind up toys.

What I know now is that two-year-olds are hyper intelligent. She's smarter than the two of us put together. And she has boundless energy. And lots of time to watch adults blunder through their overcrowded lives.

If our two-year-old could say all the words she wanted to say on any given afternoon, we would be living with Sarah Silverman.

And then, all of a sudden, she gets all quiet and overwhelmed by something and you feel all this empathy for this tiny little person who needs you to hold her hand while she goes down the slide.